Self Awareness Can Soothe Your Triggers

Have you ever reacted to an event and known internally you overreacted, but couldn’t figure out why? Why did the tone in someone’s voice cause you to feel fearful? Our reactions to events are a series of complex workings in our body, mind, and memory at play. These involuntary, negative reactions to circumstances are called triggers. A trigger is an emotional or physical reaction to a situation or interaction.

When beginning to understand why we behave the way that we do, we have to start with the brain. Inside our brains, we have incredible mechanisms at work to keep us safe. Our brain learns  through connecting neurons (a nerve cell for communicating any type of message to our body). This allows for us to form habits or muscle memory. 

If we perceive an event as important, our brains will create a neuropathway so there is easy access for the neurons to travel when it seems like they will be in regular use. This is also why, if we don’t practice certain habits such as piano or a foreign language, we may remember some of it but most of it will die off. Neurons have a function that causes them to bind with each other when they happen at the same time. There is a saying, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

An example might look like this: in elementary school, a student received a  “C” on a test; after coming home to tell his parents, they expressed disappointment and frustration. The neurons in his brain that might “fire and wire” together could be, “When I fail, I let my parents down, which means I am a disappointment.” 

Another important part of our brain is called the amygdala. The amygdala is one of the first parts of our brain to develop and serves to keep us safe. It’s the part of our brain that is scanning for threats and does so quickly-though sometimes it may misinterpret something. According to the amygdala, it’s better to be safe than sorry. 

When it comes to triggers, these two brain factors (neuropathways and the amygdala) tie together like this: if someone has experienced a perceivably traumatic or impactful the event at any age, it can creates a neuropathway in the brain, which stores the information and memory so that it is not forgotten. The amygdala also becomes activated in a traumatic event and can set off fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode in an attempt to protect. Therefore, when someone is confronted with a situation that is similar to what he or she experienced in the past, the brain begins to say, “This is not safe! Run or protect yourself!” 

Let’s bring back the example of a student getting a “C” on a test. This event may have linked in that child’s mind that failure is unacceptable and needs to be avoided at all costs. After that moment with his parents, he made sure to work very hard and never get anything below an “A” as a way of protecting himself from disappointing others. Let’s say he grew up and is now working a 9-5 job and his boss is giving him a performance review. If he hears anything negative in that review, it may send him straight back to the moment he’s standing in front of his parents taking on the shame of letting them down. In this meeting with his boss, he may feel that same amount of shame and overreact to basic criticism. This is why we can overreact to certain situations or carry emotions that are long familiar to us in our daily lives. 

Although breaking these cycles doesn’t come easily, there are ways to self-reflect and grow to gain more control over triggers. If you, as the reader, find yourself in similar situations, unsure of why you keep getting caught in the same cycle of emotions, there are a few things you can do in response. 

First, you can find a therapist who can draw out awareness and help make sense of how the triggers connect for you. You may also want to keep a journal to document when you experience stressful events to see if you can find a theme among them. Lastly, you can confide in safe people that can hear you and support you. Having an outside perspective from people you trust can offer security for how to engage those triggers. Sometimes, an objective view can inform your view in helpful ways. Above all, remember that your triggers are not a voluntary response. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion as you grow in self awareness.