Perhaps you have recently heard me mention how convicted I am to be more curious in my life interactions – and how that is giving me a healthier perspective for myself and in relation to others. This has become a marquee word for me.
Some of you, when hearing the word curiosity, may think of it as childish, annoying, or ill-mannered to entertain this type of thinking. But I want to propose a different way to view this quality – as a means to be healthier.
To be curious, is the commitment to discover something. Sometimes it relates to intentional learning of unknown topics (eg. “how to” skills for home repairs). Other times I think it relates to self-reflection of one’s behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Curiosity often gets overlooked, due to assumptions made within oneself – about oneself, others, or circumstances.
Healthy curiosity is marked by these traits: courage, honesty, and intentionality. Let me define these traits and how it benefits your emotional health.
1. Courage
It takes courage to peer into the unknown and draw out information that you may not want to know about yourself. (eg. “I wonder if I got angry because I was actually scared of being viewed as weak.”)
2. Honesty
In order to reflect and allow curiosity as part of the process, one has to be committed to the truth and reality of the matter. Being curious is the willingness to discover truth behind the veil of emotions or behavior. When curiosity is not pursued, one is either turning “a blind eye” – or willing to “fill gaps” with assumptions or false meanings.
3. Intentionality
Since information doesn’t just fall from the sky into our laps, we rarely have enlightening moments when we are in the midst of doing something else. (This excludes showertime, as we all know the best thoughts come while standing in the shower.) To be a learner, or one seeking truth, is to be one who is committed to putting forth energy and awareness in the exploration of learning. It is a healthy aspect of curiosity to be intentional about one’s feelings and needs.
These three traits of curiosity allow for healthy awareness. When one is more aware of emotional feelings and needs, then it allows for healthier interactions of caring for oneself – and then others.
I often encourage my clients to slow down their thoughts when feeling a strong emotion. This allows one to consider what is at hand, rather than simply filling in gaps of knowledge with assumptions. (i.e. “I’m anxious so I must be terribly messed up.”) Being curious is difficult, it requires more time, and it takes discipline to examine something more closely. However, when I can be curious, I discover the feelings behind my behavior, and what emotional needs my actions were trying to protect.
This curiosity allows me to assess the healthiness of my actions, my needs, and the ability to validate what is needed. By having a healthy curiosity, I take ownership for what I feel, and responsibility for how I care for my needs. This may be quite a shift in thinking or a challenge for some of you. But I want to encourage you in knowing that only healthy decisions can be made out of an awareness of truth and reality. Allow curiosity to be the path that you explore, and the comfort of what to expect.
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