It’s summertime and family plans are either fulfilled or they fall out the window. It depends on how schedules are impacted once school is out. Most use the summer months to have vacations or trips to see other family members. In my family, we definitely make regular time for the pool to cool off. My wife and I have three kids who enjoy various activities and hanging out with friends.
During this time of year, I find that my attention can easily be divided as I still have work responsibilities, but then also desire my own reprieve and time with friends. On top of this, I am reminded that I can too easily be distracted by my phone and seclude myself in my own home, which impacts my relationship with my immediate family.
My wife and I have various conversations about how we need to have more “face to face” moments of interaction between ourselves and our children (which means much less screen time). We have good intentions – heck, we even have one of those lock boxes for our phones – but it currently holds vitamins instead.
My point is this: I know Father’s Day was last weekend. I love my kids, and I love being a Dad. But I am reminded of many things (not a guilt-trip) that encourage me to be more present. I recently heard the statistic on a counseling podcast that if a parent gives 10 minutes a day of engaged conversation or interaction with their child, that kid will be far more likely to have healthy emotional resilience in life. I’ve also heard that if a father tells his daughter that he wants her to abstain from sex until she is married, that girl has a +80% chance of choosing to be healthy in her sexual abstinence. And if children see their dad and mom loving and respecting each other (even in fights) the children report far more emotional security and less anxiety in their daily lives.
These are small things that make a big difference. As I often tell my couples clients, “The more you talk about the small things, the less you’ll fight about the big things.” But this is true for any of us that choose to slow down and be more engaged and present in the world around them, rather than screens. I don’t have this down perfectly, but when I do engage with the other humans in my home, there is less fighting, more security in each being known, and there is comfort to be had.
So I do not hold the expectation of being perfect (for I am certainly not), but I would challenge you fathers out there to be involved. It takes courage and strength to be present with the emotions in the lives of your spouse and children. Sometimes it feels easier to work long days just so you can avoid the hurtful reminders at home. You make more of a difference – good or bad – than what you may realize. Don’t be perfect. You don’t have to be great. Just be a healthier man today than you were yesterday.
Recent Comments