Today we are talking about self talk and how it forms. You are probably familiar with the idea that “although your past shapes who you are, it does not define you and it does not dictate who you have to be.” There is a lot of truth in this thought. It reinforces the idea that we hear a lot of negative things that then morph into our self talk and our self talk is going to dictate what we believe about ourselves, whether we agree with it or not.
For example, someone who was often labeled as a “spaz” when they were younger sometimes takes on a certain persona as they grow because of the label placed on them by others. Another might have been asked questions over and over again like “why can’t you get it together? Why do you always have to act like that?” Those thoughts begin to work their way into that person’s self-talk the more they hear it.
When people are treated in these hurtful ways, their personhood is not being valued and their self talk will be negatively impacted. Our past does not have to dictate our future, but it is helpful to stop and evaluate “what lies do I believe about myself that have their origins in external views placed upon me?”
This is the reason why I never refer to clients by their diagnosis (that anxious person, that depressed person, that bi-polar person, etc.) All of these people are people, and their personhood is far more important than whatever symptoms they may be experiencing. Instead, I might say “There’s John Doe and he struggles with anxiety.” This minor word shift now places the value of the person ahead of the condition or symptom and also makes the condition smaller and more manageable.
A lot of our self talk or self doubt is developed from these labels and I want to encourage you not to allow those to be how you define yourself. We need to look at ourselves through the Biblical lens of how God views us. We do have value, He does love us, we are created as His workmanship with purpose which He ordained beforehand. This means that every person that we encounter has specific value as an individual.
This is encouraging to me. Despite what I’ve done in my past, I am not defined by my past. There is grace there. Your past doesn’t define you, but it’s part of you that’s worth caring for.
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