Processing Your Emotions

Originally Published December 2020

A lot of times I get questions from clients when I talk about processing or caring for emotions. Many people think that this is an ambiguous statement. So, today I want to take some time to practically talk about what I mean when I say “process your emotions.”

One simple and helpful metaphor I like to use to help people understand this concept is that of an archaeological dig site. Through this metaphor, I think we can more clearly and practically understand what it means to process our emotions.

1. INTENTION:  An archaeological dig begins with the intention of discovering what is underneath the ground surface. There is purpose and intentionality and that is going to take some forethought and some time.
2. SECURE THE AREA: One important step in beginning the archaeological dig is to secure the area. Emotionally, this means that we need to prioritize our safety-our felt emotional safety and our physical safety. It is incredibly hard to focus on things that are important if we do not feel the safety and security to slow down.
3. LOOK ON THE SURFACE: At an archaeological dig site, the process involves doing broad sweeps over the site or walking the perimeter to see what can be found on the surface. Emotionally, this means we should take the time to broadly analyze what emotions we are feeling. Am I angry, happy, frustrated, fearful? Doing this helps us to narrow down our ability to discover what is going on.
4. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS: Another thing about an archaeological dig site is that there are never assumptions made. True science is not based on assumptions about the truth, but discovery. This is the same with our emotional healthiness. We should not start the process with assumptions. We need to slow down and be intentional about discovering the truth.
5. SLOW DOWN: An archaeologist must work slowly and carefully. As discoveries are made, it takes time to sit down and brush the dirt off of what has been found in order to understand what it is. Many of us would like to throw our emotions out and just be done with them, but true emotional healthiness requires us to be patient and have grace for ourselves as we make discoveries. Let’s not make assumptions about what we should and shouldn’t discover in ourselves, but slow down and learn from the emotional discoveries we make.
6. KEEP DIGGING: We never get to see what is below the surface unless we keep digging. We should always be asking ourselves what is below the surface of our emotions with intentionality. And when we do make significant discoveries, we then begin the work of piecing our findings together to understand the full picture of what we have found.

History tells us stories. As we make discoveries and grow in emotional awareness, we learn the full story of what has happened to us in the past. What emotional needs were met or unmet? The emotional needs we have connected to the reality of what happened to us in the past help us to have a greater understanding of our emotional needs. From these discoveries we can better understand how to care for our emotional needs in the future.