Today I want to talk about an important topic that has come up recently for me in conversations: a support system. We all need it, we all want it, but how do we get it? A healthy support system is an inner circle of safe people who are in relationship with you that you can lean into during difficult times. These people have a more intimate knowledge of the details of your life and you have a more intimate knowledge of theirs. Relationships like this require vulnerability, which can be scary. This is why many of us, myself included, can find it challenging to have a healthy support system in our lives.
However, it is necessary for us to build up healthy relationships in our life so that when we come to times of struggling with a mental or emotional issue, we can lean into them for support. We can count on those people who are in our support system to dissuade us from unhealthiness and encourage us in our pursuit of healthiness. In fact, there’s a verse in proverbs that highlights this very well. Proverbs 13:20 says “He who walks with the wise will be wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm.” I think that’s an amazing way of wording it. I would define wisdom as the intentional discipline to pursue healthiness. Wise people are going to be disciplined in their pursuits. Wise people not only exhibit a pursuit of healthy choices for themselves, but also draw healthy boundaries in their relationships with others . Those are the people I want in my life-that’s a healthy support system. When I have wise people in my life who can encourage me in how I pursue and what I pursue for a healthy outcome, they will dissuade me or pull me back when I am not walking in healthiness.
Let’s consider one example. An alcoholic would not have a healthy support system when he knows he struggles, but his buddies prefer to hang out at the local bar. That’s not wise, that’s just going to exacerbate the struggle and the issue, which is alcohol. A healthy support system here would look more like an AA group or a creating a plan that allows him to avoid the local bar altogether, even if that means taking a new route home from work.
When I am struggling with anxiety, depression, or any other issue, my support system is going to be made up of intentional relationships; people I can lean into who I know I can trust. That’s why it is so important to understand the contrast between healthy and unhealthy relationships. I can begin to evaluate whether I am a healthy support person for others and if those who I desire to connect with will be healthy relationships for me.
Your support system might look like your spouse at home, a very close friend, or someone from your local church community. It might look like someone who is long distance from you that you have a close relationship with. Inversely, it might look like not drawing near to your spouse if your spouse is not a safe person. It may not look like drawing near to friends who you normally hang out with socially. It takes a lot of work and a lot of intentionality to figure out who these relationships are for you. It takes risk and vulnerability to be known. However, I want to encourage you to find these relationships. Building a healthy support system is an invaluable resource during our darkest times.
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