Originally Published September 2020
*Note: The national suicide hotline has adapted the number of 9-8-8 or visit the website (suicidepreventionlifeline.org) for more information on prevention and intervention.
There are two main factors that make suicide a difficult symptom to tackle. (No disrespect here, but I use the term symptom rather than disease as this action is always a chosen outcome – albeit from mental unhealthiness that compounds the struggle.) Also, I refer to the individual as “struggling” rather than defining a limited prognosis as “suicidal person.” This article is merely presented to offer helpful suggestions to make proactive steps that are in anyone’s control.
For the struggling individual, the mental unhealthiness deceitfully presents suicide as the only option left to end the pain. For the outsider in relation to the struggling individual, the inhibiting factor is simply not being able to predict the suicidal ideation even occurring within the struggling individual. I want to address both of these positions, and how you can healthily intervene – regardless of which one you may be.
To that individual struggling with suicidal ideation, just know death is not the only solution to whatever problem you are facing. If that were true, there would be no such thing as “survivor’s guilt” for the caring people left behind (i.e. loss survivors) in the wake of one’s suicide. The very fact that survivor’s guilt occurs, is because other people do care and then retroactively fixate on how it could have resolved differently in healthiness. The point here is not shame, but to highlight that there are other people who care – and are willing to listen and love you! Don’t get tricked or shamed into thinking that nobody else will care or understand what you are going through. Suicidal struggles are among military veterans, students, elderly, minorities, pastors, and the next door neighbor – and anyone else. You are not the first person to experience a tragedy (eg. affair, job loss, discrimination, etc.), so that means you have hope in overcoming. Please reach out. It takes courage to be honest with struggles and emotional pain. But it is the only way to find some sort of securing anchor amidst the storm. Reach out to a friend, a counselor, the hotline number, or join a support group.
To the person who is unaware, you cannot mind read anyone else, but be ready to listen. There will come a time when another will confide in you. Chances are it will be someone you already know. Don’t panic, don’t give advice, just listen with love. I won’t list the staggering statistics here – out of fear that it may reduce the reality by seeing this as a numbers-game, rather than actual names and lives of people. There are many warning signs to be aware of, but the most important thing you can do is to simply be aware. I’m reminded of the Bible verse (Proverbs 14:13) stating, “Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be grief.” In other words, don’t settle for a dismissive smile – we all try conforming to the social cues at times. If you are a person who cares, you will observe the people around you and notice if mannerisms or language are abnormal (eg. withdrawn from normalities, or using phrases about finality or the end). Every person is responsible for himself, and you are not responsible for the choices of others.
There are simple things you can do to be an active ambassador of hope. Send an encouraging text or email to someone you noticed having a difficult day. Invite one to have lunch with you. Ask how someone is doing. (And don’t settle for “Good”!) Listen, and then thank that person for being so brave and trusting to share with you. Ask what you can do that would be appreciated by that individual.
I wish you well today, wherever you are, and whatever you are facing. I believe in your inherent worth as a fellow human being, created by God. He loves you so much that he desires healthiness for you, and he will never forsake you. (Psalm 9:10)
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